Pressure

I've been reading "Home Life" magazine this morning. It had an article just for me, and I want to share some of it with you.

The title of the article is, Help! Ms. Perfect lives next door, subtitle: "She's Mother Teresa, Martha Stewart, and that Proverbs 31 woman - all rolled into one fabulous package."

Have you seen this Lady? She has 12 beautiful children, all dressed to adorable perfection. Her husband is the hunk of the year. She is 25 years old (2 sets of sextuplets, of course) and dresses her lean figure in the height of New York Fashion. She is never without her perfect Mary Kay face and her loving disposition.

(O. K. so I added that last paragraph. I couldn't help myself.)

I'd have to be lying to say that I've never felt the pressure of being "THE Pastor's Wife." I feel it almost daily. I'm generally a rather laid back type of person. Sometimes I'm almost to the point of an apathetic, "I don't care" teenager. But usually that's just when I'm really overly tired.

The expectations on a Pastor's Wife are as diverse as the individuals in a congregation. Sometimes though, the most difficult expectations to "live up to" are my own.

During the last year I've been trying to set better boundaries for myself. Boundaries that will be a help to me and my family. I'm learning that everything I take on inadvertently affects my sweet husband, a four year old, and a two year old... oh, and the Pastor of my church.

I've had to practice saying, "No, I just can't right now." This is hard because I'm a "Pleaser" by nature. It is also hard because I'm used to "doing it all." I love to be involved in everything.

It helps me to think of my family when I'm feeling pressured to be involved in yet another thing. I think, "Is this something God has laid on my heart or just something I'm feeling guilty about? How will this affect my Husband's schedule (since he will need to watch the boys while I do it)? How will this affect the boys (since Mommy will not be able to tuck them in at bedtime)? Do I really need to be doing other things during that time?"

Learning that there are "seasons" in life has really helped me. This "season" of young children that are not yet in school is a season that requires a lot of "Mommy time." If I miss this season, in my busyness, it is gone forever. It is KEY to remember that My family is my first ministry. If, in my busy service for the Lord, I neglect and loose my family, what good has it been?

On Page 44 of this month's "Homelife" here is a great little solution which I am tempted to cut out and post in a prominent place. Here it is:

Ease the Pressure

You feel the guilt as the pastor pleads: "If we don't get enough volunteers, this program won't happen..." You'd love to help, but you already have more than enough on your plate. What can you do?

1. PRAY. Too often we respond too quickly. "Let me pray about that and get back with you," is a great response.

2. KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS. Take a spiritual gifts or personal strengths inventory. Taking on a task for which you're poorly suited just adds to your stress. Working from your strengths and giftedness offers fulfillment and contributes to the health of the body of Christ.

3. ASK THE LORD TO EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVES. Do you say "yes" to seek approval or impress others? Do you feel like you're the only one who can do it right? Or do you say "no" because you feel inferior? Let Him help you accept or decline for the right reasons.

4. BE CONTENT WITH WHERE THE LORD WANTS YOU RIGHT NOW. Maybe, for this season, taking care of your family is your first call to ministry, or maybe this is your time to get more involved. "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord" (Col. 3:23)

Isn't that a great help? It sure is to me!

Just last night I had to kindly say "no." But I know that is what God wants me to do right now. This is a very busy season in my life. I feel demanded upon from so many directions, but with God's help I will set boundaries that will strengthen my young family and not harm it.